~Patrick Carolan, Class of 2024

The Jedi way

Grief does not change you, it reveals you. 

~John Green

I open my eyes and shoot up in bed. Sweat dripped off my six-foot-two frame. My mind is racing as I try to get rid of the nightmares of foreshadowing. Visions of my mother’s death plague my memory. The soft breath of my wife’s padme’s sleeping calms me down. Yet, my thoughts won’t allow me to fall back to sleep. I allow my legs to walk me out of bed and stand on the balcony. I stand there, leaning against the balister, while my eyes try to train on the flying cars. All around me are tall buildings above the clouds, with cars circling on the never-ending ski highways. The sun starts rising, and it illuminates the Coruscant atmosphere with reds and yellows. I’m tired of all the pressure that’s being put on me. The chosen one too destroys the sith, but what if that’s not me? There’s a squeak as the dark gray sliding door opens and Padre walks through.

“Anakin, what happened?” Her raspy morning voice cut through the breeze.

I hesitated to tell her what I was thinking. My mind is working like the gears in a clock, and I decide not to. She comes closer to me and drops her heavy head on my shoulder. Dancing through flowers, climbing trees, and raising a family are all I can think about. A future with her is all I want in life.

“I’m going to see Master Yoda today,” I let out a struggle.

“Why Anakin”

“My mother, Padme, she needs me.”

After a long flight over, the dark soles meet the sacred grounds of the Jedi temple. Three men, covered from head to toe with white, came to greet me.

“Go away; this is none of your business.” I tell them harshly.

The men waddle away with a discouraging sulk in their walks. I step into the giant gray doors with my hands hanging by my hips. I can feel the gravity of my lightsaber on my waist. My hand is slowly lingering towards it. My anger and my fear control my actions, and I decide to pull my hand away.

I stand in the doorway, staring into the grand hall. With every second passing, I see visions of burning and death in a large desert. I slowly walk towards Yoda’s meeting area. I step into the dark, confined space and greet the meditating grandmaster.

“Fear. I sense young Skywalker’s fear of loss.” Yoda says it with great wisdom.

“Yes, Yoda, it is my mother. I fear she is dying. I fear she…”

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda tells me, but I don’t care. He’s just an old man who doesn’t understand.

“Thank you, Yoda,” I say with a hint of sarcasm in my voice. I can’t stand that man; he thinks he knows everything, but he doesn’t. He has no clue what I’m going through. Him and his stupid prophecy about destroying the Sith. I need to go find Padme. We are going back to my home.

“Anakin I don’t think this is a great idea.” Padme whispers in my ear as we touch down near the Mos Eisley Cantina in Tatooine.

“I need to find her; she can’t die. Wait in the ship padme, I’ll be back.” I tell Padme, and I walk into the cantina. I spot an older man on a speeder and tell him to walk away.

“No, this is my speeder!” He yells. I flash my lightsaber hilt, and the man runs away. I jump on the speeder and feel the purr of the engine on my legs. As I speed away into the desert, I can feel my senses becoming more and more heightened. The life of a loved one is on the line, and I won’t let her die. I buzz across the desert planes, but I know exactly where I’m going. My mom is leading me to her. I pass our old house on the ground, all of the memories of my childhood before the Jedi. I hear the yells of the native beasts as I look on towards the mountains. She is near, and I know it.

I spot a Tusken Raider camp just as the sun goes below the horizon. I pull the speed levers back to slow down as I approach the camp. I step onto the ground, and I’m immediately hit by flashes of death and suffering. 

No one knows that I’m here, and no one will know that I’m here. My knees creek and my mechanical hand buckles as I sneak over to the nearest tent. I sense her right next to me. My hand moves to my lightsaber, and this time I let it happen. 

I feel the cold steel meet the earth of my sweating palm. Instinct from hundreds of fights through a long war brought my thumb to the button. A silent swish ignited the long, dark blue blade from the hilt. The buzz of the lightsaber kept my fear alive and carried me to the side of the dark brown tent. I stabbed the dark blue blade through the thick skin of the tent. A gasp from inside reassured my senses and allowed me to know that she was in there. Was this the right thing to do? This isn’t the Jedi way. But what has the Jedi ever done for me? 

I ignore my thoughts and continue to put a hole in the tent. I pushed through the side after I got far enough. Chains from the ceiling dangle as I look down and see my mother’s limp body on the ground. Her face and body are covered in deep cuts and bruises. She has eye bags on top of eye bags hanging from her hazel eyes. Hatred fills my whole body at the sight of this. I grab my mom and hold her delicate body in my arms.

“Mom, don’t go; you can’t be gone, mom; I need you.” I whimper. Her eyes part a small amount, and she begins coughing.

“Anakin… You need to move on; I must go. My time is done.” She squeaks out as her body becomes limp in my arms. I sit, and I stare at her lifeless body. 

Why, what did I do to deserve this? It was them, the raiders, who would pay.