~Ilan Clemens, Class of 2025

“Why I’m just okay is because of my grades, my height,
my looks, my strength, my intelligence, my friends
my control. Whenever I see a friend I also hear,
“How’d your SSAT go? What schools are you applying out to?”
next to me falling behind, possibly in ignorance. I. Don’t. Know.
 
When I close my eyes I see the world at my fingertips, when I open them
another shut door. “well if I try this…oh but next time when I,”
blah, blah, blah. Whilst I’m on a walk, others right next to me
are on a run, and even with me on a walk sometimes I see red.
It’s a blur, I don’t know if I’m ready but I am.

I’m not great at anything unless it’s behind closed doors,
and when I look at people leagues beyond me
I don’t know if I feel inspired or the same.
Whenever I do something I’m never beyond good, I’m confined, 
what should I pursue when I’m just okay?or should I, “figure it out later.”

With people all around me having most of it figured from what I see.
High aspired dreams converted to plain simple reality, 
and I know if I’m good enough, but am I good enough?
Stronger, smarter, better people surround me.
Funnier, richer, cooler people that I couldn’t ever be.

I’m like a bottle of wine mostly full, I’m almost there but not.
I don’t even know if, or when, or how I’ll get better, because I’m still
so young, I haven’t reached a conclusion so I’ll have to be content.
And I’m not depressed, and I’m not scared, and I’m not worried,
I mean I guess I’m okay.”